The essence of negotiating is that in order to get what we want, sometimes we have to give something up. We can negotiate on price (you give me more value and I will give you more money), or principles.

Negotiate on the basis of Principle instead of Positions

Sometimes people are so focused one perception of what they want that they convert that to a fixed position and lost sight of the overall objectives.

If you are arguing – or negotiating – try not to defend a position; otherwise you simply become more attached to it and will defend it even harder. You might overlook agreements that actually satisfy your objectives in an amicable manner.

For example, you are seeking a raise because you are struggling to make ends meet. Going in to the negotiation with a fixed cash value in mind might not yield success. There are so many considerations that can be thrown at you why a raise of pay is not an option at this time. However, instead of walking away you could negotiate around concessions. Underwriting some of your tuition fees might achieve the objective. A four-day work week would save you commuting expenses and give you the time you crave to do your studies.

Principled Negotiation Works

On the surface, there appears to be a choice between:

1. defending your positions with firmness without any regard for the potential impact on relationships.

2. trying to soften the edge by being friendlier in approach. You get focused on the relationship and on reaching an agreement rather than simply pushing your own agenda. This is an example of soft negotiation where you extend trust to the other side, make offers and concessions, and do what you can to avoid confrontation.

However, instead of having to choose whether to stick firmly to your position, or to use a soft positional approach, we recommend that you apply principled negotiation.

Principled Negotiating

Soft negotiators want to create a conflict-free environment and make concessions readily in order to reach agreement. Their goal is for amicable resolution, yet they often end up being exploited and feeling bitter.

Hard negotiators approach a situation as a battle of wills, and will take an extreme position on the premise that the negotiator that holds out the longest will get what they want. Their aim is to win, although what often results is a response by the other negotiator that is just as hard. Hard negotiations take a lot of energy and tend to leave the negotiator exhausted, and the relationship damaged with the other side.

Commonly applied negotiating strategies can fall between the extremes of hard and soft, and focus on trading off between getting what one party wants and getting along with people.

Principled negotiation is a third approach and draws from the strengths of hard and soft negotiation.

This approach relies upon a commitment to mutual gain, so the benefit to both parties is clear. Where interests conflict, the outcomes need to be grounded on a development of a fair standard that is independent of the desires of the other party. 

This approach is neither soft nor hard, and works in almost any negotiation by applying four simple strategies, as described in Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury.

Getting To Yes Principles

Each point deals with a basic element of negotiation and suggests what you should do about it.

1. People: Focus on the problem not the people.
2. Interests: Be concerned with interests of both parties, not digging in your heels.
3. Options: Think of different solutions and possibilities instead of starting out from where you want to end up.
4. Standard: Make sure that results are based on an actual standard, instead of something subjective.

Focus on the Problem, Not the People

We often make the comment that we have to focus on behaviors not people, and this point takes this concept seriously. Don’t get angry: get clear about behaviors that need to change.

Negotiators are People First

When it comes to negotiations, we are dealing with human beings. And when people get passionate about something, it is a good reminder for us to see that they have emotions, convictions, and different paradigms. People can be unpredictable, too!

When things get heated, which they will at times, remember that your emotions and hot buttons are also involved. Ask yourself if you are paying attention to the people, or are getting distracted by positions.

Every Negotiator Has Two Kinds of Interests: Substance and Relationships

Every negotiator wants to reach an agreement that satisfies his/her interests. That is why one negotiates. Beyond that, negotiators also have an interest in their relationship with the other side. It is important to carry on each negotiation in a way that will help rather than hinder future relations and future negotiations.

In fact, with many long-term clients, business partners, family members, fellow professionals, or government officials, the ongoing relationship is far more important
than the outcome of any particular negotiation.

Relationship Tends to Become Entangled With the Problem

A major consequence of the "people problem" in negotiation is that the relationship tends to become entangled with their discussions of the problem or substance. On both the giving and receiving end, we are likely to treat people and problem as one. Anger over a situation may lead you to express anger toward some human being associated with it in your mind.

There are three basic negotiating styles:

1. Co-operative style
2. Aggressive style
3. No pattern

 We may not be able to change our primary style a great deal, but if we recognize the traits of a good negotiator, we can continually practice and sharpen our skills until we are better than we are right now. The better we become, the more we can get done in less time. A good negotiator will try to address their own agenda but does so with consideration to the other party’s agenda.